Saturday, June 14, 2003
*nurul
just showered.
it helped a lil i guess?
helped me wash away the tears
how i weesh it can wash away mie troubles.
how i weesh it can wash away all the squabbles
how i weesh it can wash away all the unhappiness.
how i weesh it can wash away everything.
crying is so exhausting. haisx.
*nurul
two more times it erupted.
just now was quite bad.
haisx.
at dat point of time
i reallie felt like i din noe my mom.
and neither does she noe me.
i was growing and learning to hate her.
eventhough she was my mom
its definitely not comforting and nice to hear myself sae
"i'm learning to hate my own mom"
at dat point of time
i reallie understood whie sumtimes pple cut
and take deir own lifes.
yes. if u're not experiencing it, u wld sae
"oh my gosh! dats not the way to solve everything.
you can solve it other ways den taking ur life"
but sumtimes when u are in it.
so overwhelmed by it.
taking ur own life.
seems to be the onli escape
the onli consolation.
yes.
the onli way to run away frm it.
cried like shitesx again.
haisx.
and i feel so exhausted and tired.
so tired of all
the squabbles.
the tears.
the heartache.
i feel like a total outsider.
and she saes i dun love my own family.
i do!
i do!
i do!
but the rate you all drive me to crazyness
and desperation to just run away.
i try to live up to your expectations.
i doubt this whole thing wif my mom will ever be solved.
cuz she just duzzun wanna listen.
so i'm expected to keep it to myself.
|:
dear god, pls dun make me hate my mom.
cuz once i do.
wad kinda person will i become?
cuz if i can hate my own mom,
it'll be easier for me to hate ANIONE!
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
*nurul
lynnie must smile more often kiesx?
dun let things pull ya down.
cuz i sad sad i made ya sad even more?
haisx.
din mean to remind u of everything else.
sorrieeee.
and thanks for being dere.
MEL! yooooo tooooo.
u made me luff...
hahahax. tooo kewt ler.
lol. thanks for listening.
and for encouraging?
makes me feel more better inside...
thanksx.
these are the pple whu truly make me weesh i shld treasure my life?
cuz dey are dere. when i'm down and sad.
and dey make the world seem like a better place.
-smyLesx*
now i still cant see properly.
*nurul
cried too much?
aickksx.
haisx.
reallie pain larh my eyes...
i dun even want her to sae thank you.
*nurul
an ok is enuff.
i'm totallie tired of having to explain
u make me go crazy.
YOU make me feel like i needta treat u as sumone else
other den my mother.
i just want a mother whu can understand wad i'm doing.
but she doesnt
i just want a mother whu supports my decisions
but she doesnt
i just want a mother whu wld listen to at least one thing i sae.
i'm not asking for much aint i?
onli ONE THING!
but she doesnt.
she makes me feel so restricted.
restricted.
not as in going out or wadever.
todae was just the last straw.
i ended up crying under the shower for an hr plus.
[lynnie i din pick up ya calls cuz i was in the shower...]
until i couldnt stand. cuz it was too cold
and i couldnt feel my hands my legs. like everything was numb.
gave up showering
and went to stand in front of the mirror.
my eyes were so red. dat it freaked me out.
so bloodie red and puffy...
finally came out of the toilet.
and sat down at the corner of my bed on the floor.
it was so cold...
cried like shitesx again.
hoping dat everything will be fine?
and i fell asleep dere.
and when i woke up. felt the same numbness again..
got up to sleep on the bed.
slept and slept and slept.
ignorant to world.
mebbe i shld i just die? cuz i think dat's everyone's weesh.
especiallie hers
mebbe she said it in a fit of anger.
or just mebbe she reallie meant it?
|:
i rather not haf a mother den to haf one like dat...
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
*nurul
erbsx. came back at like nearly 7. haisx.
walked in town like shitesx.
totallie niceeeee. lol.
going out wif vannie and aishan and sarah.
[also jan and erffa but dey went off halfway]
we went on an engraving-a-ring spree.
lol.
totallie crapped a lottttt. hahax
and den like we met these bad-hair-dae girl and company.
wah lau
everywhr we went.
dey oso go.
irritating like shitesx lor. TSK!
until i was like talking to vannie walking towards stadium
and dey were in supreme
and i said
"if we come out of stadium and dey ALSO come out of supreme...
i'm gonna DIE!
and vannie was like u better change ur words arhhhh.
den i was like erbsx. nvm lol.
and den walk around in stadium.
we walked out of stadium.
dey oso walked out of supreme!
and the next thing i said unconsciously after i saw dem was
"oh my FUCKING shite!"
and we burst into luffters.
and dey heard apparently! lol.
i think i said it a tad too loud.
dey heard. dey turn back and walk back into stadium
LOL! totallie nice.
whu ask dem irritate us onli.
bahsx.
screemie teenie boppers.
and sarah's concluded dat dey are SHORT. uhem. lol.
bahsx. lol.
quite nice larh todae.
saw quite a few pple in town.
gonna go out again wif vannie and aishan and sarah soooon. lol
and we're gonna go toy r us. heh. CUTE!
Monday, June 09, 2003
*nurul
ARHHHHHH
i cant stop see-ing the words
luckie seal
luckie seal
luckie seal
luckie seal
in my headddd!!!!!!!
HEWP!
*winksx. some pple wld get wad i meannn...
it keeps flashing in bite neon colors in my head every single min!!!
adoi.
stupeeeed luckie seallll..
hmph...
LUCKIE
SEAL!!!
yesterdae was the first time going out wif my whole family once again
*nurul
after like 216876512687 yrs?!
ahhax.
did nothing much larh.
my mom was just shopping away -.-"
and all i did was sian away.
but dinner was nice.
although my dad kept wanting to kope my lasagna
cuz it was TOO NYCE! -*gryNnSx
i made the smart choice in choosing my dinner.
hahax.
and like todae i was online a lot.
but now den i bothered to type an entrie.
haisx.
my parents are like totallie freaking out over everything i do now
cuz of my results
bahsx.
wadeverrrrrrrr....
Sunday, June 08, 2003
*nurul
weird happening at home now
my bro has gone totallie mad.
he's taking all the badges in the hse dat he can find
and pinning it on his man u jersey.
erbsx. he's wearing his man u jersey and his taekwondo white pants
erbsx.
totallie erbsx
and now he's going around the hse saying
"ARENT U PROUD OF ME?! I'VE GOT SO MANY BADGES!!!!"
and den will start luffing evilly.
erbsxxxxx
madded-ed
and i think i wld like to kick janet lee too.
hmph.
she was totallie horribleeeeeeee yesterdae.
wosrt parent-tchr meeting i ever had.
she was totallie horrible
and my dad was equallie horrible.
and i was sandwiched in between.
bahsx. my dad commented dat i made frens outside.
not frm sch.saying dat i've been going out alot[?!]
and dat i've been attending concert-S
urh puh lease.
i onli attended one this yr?!
heloooooooo wad planet are you on?!
[while i'm typing my bro just shoved his taekwondo belt into my ear
digging it into my ear[?!] and shoving it in between mie glasses]
erbsx?! eediotic broooo...